Last year I climbed clumsily into an airplane. Heart racing and nervous AF (but outwardly smiling like the “courageous” Virgo I am) I waved at a goPro attached to the wrist of a guy that I’d met just about 30 minutes before. My entire body vibrated as the engine of the tiny Cessna roared. We took off and my stomach dropped as we climbed higher and higher in altitude…1,000 feet. 5,000 feet. 8,000 feet.
Just as I remembered the instructional video I watched before we took off that told me this could result in my death, the plane the door to the plane FLEW OPEN. Panicked, my brain raced faster. My thoughts went something like “thisisnotnormalomgomgomgyou’reabouttodiesayaprayer….
Godmaynotforgiveyoufordoingsomethingsososososostupid.”
Hesitantly, I shuffled to the gaping hole in the side of the plane. Although it was May, the air was cold and cut like a knife. I looked out through the clouds below me. Said a quick prayer. Apologized to God again for being SO STUPID. Closed my eyes. Leaned forward. And plummeted to the ground.
The wind rushed and whipped past my face violently. I SCREAMED TO THE TOP MY LUNGS, yet I could not hear a thing. My cheeks flapped, expanding and deflating like tiny cocoa butter balloons. I huffed and puffed like a woman in a lamaze class…as if I was giving birth to new life. Thoughts of never seeing my family again flooded my mind. In the midst of the chaos I asked the Lord for forgiveness over and over and over again. May 26, 2018 was the day that Cicily was going to die.
20 seconds later, I felt a quick jerk and the plummeting ceased. Instead, I was floating gently to the ground. Everything around me was silent…meditative. I felt all of the cliché things — free as a bird…light as a feather. The world from so high up was foreign…but WOW, was it beautiful! I felt a rush of excitement. I had a vision of clarity…a moment of bravery — I was ready to conquer the world.
The CRAZY thing is — I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet in the air and THAT, to me, is easier than posting my creative endeavors on social media.
I landed already planning the next time I’d pay someone to let me jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Already feeling invincible. Ready to destroy every fear I’d ever had in life. …or so I thought. When the time came to address those fears, I choked time and time again.
The CRAZY thing is — I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet in the air and THAT, to me, is easier than posting my creative endeavors on social media. I have a degree. I’ve received awards. I’ve had SEVERAL happy clients…yet the voice of inferiority, fear, anxiety, inexperience, and doubt plagues my mind daily.
But guess what!? TODAY is the day I give that voice the finger. TODAY is the day I step forward, boldly, fearlessly. TODAY is the day that I put aside imposter syndrome — comparing my life and accomplishments to everyone else’s. Today is the day I begin living the life I was destined to live…and get back to what I love.
Follow me on my journey + check out my design work and music things along the way.
In what ways do you deal with fear and anxiety? Leave your comments below so we can tackle this thing together! I look forward to growing and learning with you and from you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
— C.